HUMOR BREAK: "Children's Bible in A Nutshell"

I know my topics have been a bit grim lately and I feel they are indeed important things to know.. But there is a balance to things as it is written a time for thus and a time for such.

Spirituality is intended to be the resting spot of JOY and often people take themselves TOO seriously to the point where all the JOY that is supposed to be present in ones spirit gets buried and the balance of laughter is lost.

A friend (S.) sent me the following days ago and just this morning was when I needed it... Laughter is intended to heal and this silly little thing was just the ticketn to begin my day. ENJOY AND HAVE JOY!

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.

This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???


Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell




In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.




Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.




He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,

but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.




Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.

Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.




Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.




Pretty soon all of the early people died

off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.




One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.




After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his

birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.




Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.




God fed the Israel Lights every day

with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.




Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:

Humor thy father and thy mother.




One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.




After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.




After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.

One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league

prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.




After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.




(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would

be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')




During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans.




Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.




Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.




But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.




Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.

He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
**********************************

I love it! I am sure it was likely NOT a child that wrote this but who cares?.. it is very much how a child thinks and sees things. I myself recall when I was young and had a naive understanding of such a complex book.

Perhaps the best thing to remember is when Jesus of Nazareth said:

"Suffer the little children to come unto me.. for such is the kingdom of heaven."

While a child I understood this verse well... apparently "Little Children will make us suffer in heaven" ..RIGHT?"..

NO!... but laff anyway.. K?

BE LOVE & BE LOVED!
JoZ